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Gardener Balmain

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Love & Loss

Love & Loss

It was the times of a merrily life: it was the reign of the adversities. It was a life of myriad sources of happiness: it was a challenge of countless pains. It was a haughty state of presence: it was a fretful sense of departure. A life of a sturdy support: a death of a sleek enemy!
It was a finer part of the world and a normal trait of livelihood. It was a worth telling story and a sensible meaning of our life. Yes, it was the love and loss of Mrs. Yamo; a plain instance of human sense. It was a finer part of the world because she lived in the world of a few centuries ago in that house, located in the outskirts of the busy town of London. And, obviously, it was a normal trait of livelihood because she no less than any others had married Dr. Paga and had perfectly nurtured a young and a very smart boy named Aado.
She was actually an emigrant of America but had fallen in love with Dr. Paga, a native of England. The reason lies in her highly commendable beauty that she is married to a higher educated clan of Dr. Paga, though she belonged to the lower class slum dwellers. It was a love at first sight that made Dr. Paga ask for her hand. In his early twenties when he was in his university, he saw Yamo. Though she was about five solid years born later the birth of Paga, she was employed in a mill when he first saw her.
From the time he saw her; he often visited her place and spent a great deal of time with her. It had been a bashing moment when he first conversed with her, because he had consciously slipped his tongue for the words: “Oh! You are extremely beautiful. I think I am in love with you.” But with the passage of time, their commitment spread like a wild: epidemic and it became a slap against the social structure. Paga’s parents, who were consisted in noble families, advised him, requested him or pleaded him but everything seemed cheaper than his love for Yamo. So, as he play adamant, his persistence lasted with the decision of father: “I can do no other. I don’t want to force you. So, my final word is that, in priority, please complete your educational qualification for the sake of our inheritance. Then I must oblige to your satisfaction. From hence, you will not remain as a part of my family.” Thus, Paga followed as his father decided and the two settled in the outskirts of London for the sake of their privacy. In addition to that, as Dr. Paga gradually became one of the most eminent figures of the town, the back murmurs form the people upon their relation became less.
As a matter of fact, the uneducated people were only destined to ply in the industries and farms but Yamo was needed to be only a good house wife. So, before Addo was born, she was desertedly unhappy as she became sick of loneliness for the whole day. Paga leaved from morning tillearly evening for town to work. In fact she felt more miserable in that new household. But love was such a powerful force that she even denied fancying about leaving Paga. She could not over- power the commitment made by their love by the strain of her loneliness. She always rated the cost of their love with the cost a prosperous family, as Paga had sacrificed it for the love between them.
But her life brightened with the arrival of Aado into theirs. She had widened her love and then she became busy with Aado for the whole day and Paga occupied her time for the rest. When at last she delivered Aado after carrying him for about a nine month’s period within her, Paga took leave from his daily routine and gave full time with Yamo and Aado for about a week! After that, Paga employed a maid and it was meant to relief Yamo from the stress of household chores.
Later then, Yamo became a mother and for the goodness, she enjoyed the motherhood. She did dote her family then and thanked Paga for his great life mate. She then totally altered her schedule and became less free. The leisure periods she had before then got occupied by Aado. Aado became the duty of her day.

“Hello? Who is speaking?” the maid answered the call when Paga ringed Yamo for some serious discussions from his office on a fine day.
“I am Paga, can I talk to Yamo? Is madam near you?”
“I am sorry sir, she went to the Garden with Aado.” She resided comfortably. “I will go to call her if you call a little later.”
“No, then leave it, I will come home earlier,” he slammed the telephone hurriedly and drove home at the earliest.
“Yamo, I don’t understand what we have got to do now!” he said emotionally when they at last united at home for an evening tea after some years, because he normally arrived home later that time.
It was a strange scene for they had never gone under such serious discussions before and that first scene was a serious enough to fear Yamo. “What is the matter? Why are you so anxious taday? Don’t scare me.” Yamo pleaded.
Aado was then about four years old and he was playing in the garden with the maid at that moment.
“I can’t decide what to do! My parents are demanding to leave Aado with them for good education. They fears if Aado doesn’t receive proper guide and teaching as he will be the successor of our clan.” Paga confessed the fear.
His father had also spoken of his distrust upon Yamo that she could nurture Aado satisfactorily. “She was born in a poor household and grew in harsh environments. How could you believe that she can bring up Aado wisely?” his father had said, but he didn’t reveal that distrust before her.
“It is not such a play, Paga I can not depart from Aado. He is the sole reason of my living. Please, avoid this.” She nearly did burst into tears and hugged him. The atmosphere became so pathetic and Paga could not be dispassionate. After all, he was also the father of the son and it is for granted that he also loved Aado.
“Yes, I do understand this, I don’t wish to send him away. But I hope that he would surely receive better education and exposure to dignity if we leave him there”, he was promoting the controversial support. The last words burnt Yamo’s heart with strong flame of hatred and she felt very miserable to persuade him also.
“Why are you speaking like that? We can send him to a good school and rely upon imminent teachers. There is no point to send him to their home. I can care about him. Please…” she tried to oblige him again. She could not bear the sense of being alone again, without Aado. But she was powerless as Paga was much affected by his family pressure. It was an unwilling support.
“We won’t even achieve a satisfactory death if we don’t educat him before hand!” his parents had warned him with such unwelcoming surety. He had at least a love for them also!
“I can imagine the whole scene here but my parents are at old age now. Please just help me to do this favour for my parents. After all, I am unable to deny their wishes when they are at such a fragile stage of their life,” wailed Paga. When the points of arguments went deeper and deeper, it became stronger and highly emotional. It got very serious and it became a case of life of Paga’s parents! Yamo was in no other options rather to oblige their content.
“I can’t imagine the scene and I know that Aado will wriggle and cry with innocence if he understands that I am no longer around him.” She thought in the bed.
It was true that Aado was so much attached to her that when he felt deprived of her, he used to cry. He even showed signs protest when Paga spoke roughly with her. Even at such age, he would love to share Yamo’s chores and showed strong sense of common life. It would of course rouse a fervent sense of hatred and an object to make revenge if he was violently taken away from her.
“Paga, take him quietly when I am dead in the doom sleep. It will make my misery worse if I have to see him off crying helplessly. Aado will not listen to you if he knows that we are being separated.”
“Why are you using such words? I will do it as you wish.” consoled Paga.
“Because I am falling into hell,” Yamo wished to retort this but manned to remain silent and sleep for hell.

“Aado, lets have some food. I am also hungry.” His granny tried to let him eat food because he refused to feed in their hands.
“I want mammy, I want to eat with her.” He cried in vain.
It had passed two days since he was shifted to their home. Aado had asked them to tell where his mother was, and they answered that she is going to come soon. He ate very hardly at first but then, he ate normally later. He really loved his mother and wanted to stay with her but his innocence gradually asided his thought about her. He cried, struggled to flee and protested against the guardians but everything went fruitless. Paga didn’t even dare to go to see Aado again then. He feared the reaction he would have to face when he has to leave again from there. Of, course there would be a lot of questions from Aado. How shall he reply over the question: why am I left this way?
Yes! It will of course get right because he was at the primary stage of his life. Aado will gradually start feeling home again. He started living happily with his grandparents. He went to the top school in the town, his granny and grandpa taught him the systems of a high class family child. He started living a whole new set of life!
But who can understand the feelings of Yamo? She couldn’t stand the life when she was abandoned from her very son.
The day after two days of Aado’s separation from Yamo shall be a landmark in the course of Aado’s journey till death. That evening, when Paga came home with little dispassion, he couldn’t get any note of somebody’s presence in their home, not even the maid!
“Yamo? Are you in?” Paga blew a question and that echoed several times in return. It was a queer feeling when no body responded. Then he searched into every corners and wards of the house but there wasn’t any sign of his wife.
`Why is she not in the house! She knows I will be back by now. ` He thought at that moment of despair because he had always seen Yamo at home whenever he returned from the office. He was of course tired then, after a busy schedule for the full day. He reclined in the sofa in the drawing room and went into sleep when nobody interrupted at the door for long.
That night, when he woke up from the sofa by a predominating sensation of discomfort, it had grown late night. Yet he was the only person in that house. That protruded a sense of distaste against Yamo within his heart.
‘Now she has become so much self-centered and still don’t care to return home. Woman are truly a resemblance of the volatile nature, how can I trust them this way?’ he was distressed by her absence. It was a frustration of his love and betrayal of their promise to each other. When they were at their primary stage of their relation, they had taken an oath in front of a church that they would never try to separate from each other as well as they would avoid falling into the doom of misunderstanding. They will love each other forever.
The next morning, when Paga broke out of his bed, it was late. So, he did not mind for not having breakfast and prepared him self for the office. But when he exited from the house, he found his wife lying unconscious at the threshold. What the hell!

The reason behind it was her indomitable spirit of love. She had gone the previous day to her in- laws house in order to quench her irresistible desire to meet her son. But to a perplexing shock, the adults in that area had beaten her blue and black! The in- laws hadn’t even bothered to interfere in that unjust act though they were present because she was from an inferior race.
He regretted upon his misunderstanding and carried her safely inside, called a doctor instantly and the maid also arrived by the time. The maid clicked her tongue at the scene as she was the last person to see her off happily. When the doctor and the maid took care of Yamo, Paga took a brief leave to his office as it was indispensably vital for his institution.
While on the way, Paga was troubled by the insane acts of his caste people. When Yamo narrated the adversity to him when she was just awake, she was unable to control her emotion. Paga tried his full force to return home at the earliest.
That lesson even made him to decide to pull back their son, Aado, as the love for him was a part of Yamo’s life.
But fate is strange and prevalent because when Paga drove home at the earliest possible hour, Yamo had given up to eternity. She had surrendered to death!

The Other Sides of our life

The other side of our life

Is god unfair? It is a big fiction. On this gaiety planet, everybody is merely a player and the lives are a span of a merry show I suppose? He is in his jocund nature that never is so sober. Then that is in his thick misery that never is so gaily alive.
I can see you so deeply depressed under your sigh of physical challenge that alienated you from the common world. I see him strongly detested at the labor he performs for the daily wages that is indispensable for his survival. I see one not satisfied at the gold he owned but couldn't spend even for the sake of one's own well-being?
Oh! What a variation!
Once I asked a rich man, "Hey rich man, please give me a bit of your wealth".
To that he wobbled beside defensively and cursed, "You worthless creature, have you sold shame? I even don't have enough of it and how can you dream of getting a bit of it?" Thus he fled away in careful scrutiny. I was deserted.
But that was not able to break my hope. Though languid and frail but I wasn't broken.
Thus in desperation, I found a common man who was full of life and joy that had a purpose of living. Meekly, I presented myself before him and quoted, "Your good man, your life seems so full of names to live, please bless me with a little of your gold".
To that he went squalid, he lost the gay in disguise and wailed, "Dear young man, from dawn till dusk I work at the house and now I am heading home to spend my earnings among all those members". He was vehement. It was a reason enough for his avoidance. That consumed all my persistence to insist him. So I swayed from the way.
The time was left just for a brood and every single minute hailed up at those so upsetting miseries and hope grew so fragile. With the facial expression of a funeral master, the hope of an old man's life ahead and the energy of an exhausted lad, I shambled about in the tune of a sotto voce. But what could I expect ahead? When I kept the stroll ahead, I came across a man lost from the common world as if to attain the hermitage, who was alone and uncared.
But the sight could neither invite a move nor did sow a sense of hope and admiration. I approached that solitary man with corrugated face and rugged hand dressed in tattered clothes; I asked, "May your kindness understand my grievances and bless me some of your wealth!" I wasn't expectant nor was I hoping. But the request came hysterically. But the poor man shivered his long-stained body and spoke with a low trembling voice, "My kind sir, I recline hardly at this corner for whole day to earn some of these coins, because this is my energy to sit here for the whole day. But if I had got the wealth of the richest masters of the world, you won't need to ask but I am not the one".

My world

today, i am a man
you love and care
but i am mortal
and i won't be
the same tomorrow

when the sun upon my head sets
please, don't go away and
show up with a new impression
because it would hurt and slain
the spirit of heart which is dead

Thallus

Thallus

From the far remote region
don' t cry hard in my name
or murmur a bit of me
as I am a guy that is afar
and aloof from the world
where I am an exception.